Executive Director's Message

When you are personally embroiled in a conflict, it is very hard to be objective and maintain a clear perspective.  Anger, hatred, jealousy, hurt feelings all can get in the way of communicating effectively with someone we are having a conflict with.  This is just the way that human emotions work.  This is also why mediation is a process that can be very effective in resolving conflicts.  Having someone neutral facilitating the dialogue will ease the tension and help to alleviate any imbalances in power.  The mediator can set the tone so the disputants can calm down and talk rationally.  They can also reframe the problem in a way that shows some possible paths to resolution.

When you take a look at some of the conflicts taking place in the world today, you wonder whether a good mediator would be able to diffuse these tense situations.  For example, whenever the conflict between North Korea and the United States re-emerges, there is saber rattling and heated dialogue.  It escalates to a dangerous level and then some sort of partial resolution is reached when North Korea is placated.  If a mediator that was trusted by both sides entered the picture and talked to each side to determine what is important to them, a lot of the public communication that is meant to posture would not have to take place.  Each side could calmly bring up issues with the mediator who would then bring them together when it seemed like a solution was possible.  If you make statements in public, you feel a need to save face by backing up those words.  However, because mediation is confidential, you can feel more comfortable talking about the problem without public scrutiny.

Although the conflicts that APADRC mediates are not on the level of world politics, the characteristics are the same.  In the heat of passion, the disputants see each other as villains who cannot seem to understand what is right or fair.  Sometimes their anger is so heated that it’s impossible to mediate until they have calmed down to become rational again.  One of the reasons that mediation can sometimes be very useful is that the individuals in conflict will sometimes be willing to own up to their own wrongdoing in private to a mediator.  This kind of disclosure is the tool that a mediator can use to bring people together.  If the mediator can get them to share their errors to each other and even apologize, they are able to get past their anger and they are much closer to reconciling.

Mediation does not always work, especially if people are so entrenched in their problem that they refuse to move from their position.  However, one positive aspect of mediation is that it is non-adversarial and people can come out of the mediation with their relationships intact.  So consider using a mediator in the future when you have a conflict with your friend, neighbor, wife/husband, sibling, parents, or child.  But whether you turn to a mediator for help or not when you have a conflict, always try to listen and put yourself in the other person’s shoes.  You might be surprised by how easy it can be if you try.  You’ll probably save yourself a headache and end up wiser in the process.